Demons

One of the girls on the new unit was telling me about a new demon that visited her that day. She said he had no eyes, no nose, no ears, no mouth, just blood pouring down his face. She screamed and punched a wall. When I asked her why she didn't punch the demon, she laughed at me.

"You can't punch a demon!" she said. "If you try, all Hell will rain down on you!"

I asked her if she tried talking to him, asking what he wanted.

"I've tried. They never answer. They just try to stab me."

We all have demons. Hers are, in her mind at least, physical, real creatures that personify some greater disorder that, unfortunately, it is unlikely she will ever break free from. For most of us, ours are different, more vague. They haunt our steps, tinge our dreams, curl like wisps of smoke around our best memories. Sometimes, they loom so large they threaten to overtake our entire lives. Sometimes, they are forgotten--but only momentarily.

We gather demons as we go through life, picking them up here and there as we wander around, either purposefully or aimlessly. Sometimes, we are to blame for our demons; our own choices and decisions have led to their existence. Other times, we are the victim of life, of another's actions that now haunt us for the rest of our lives.

But demons can be dispelled.

In the Bible, of course, there are cases of actual spirits inhabiting the bodies of humans, spirits that flee with a commanding word. Whether or not you agree that the Bible is real, this solution does seem appealing; one word, one order, and--BANG--everything is okay again.

Unfortunately, the demons of our time are much more difficult to shake.

Another Bible reference is Matthew 12: 43-50: 
"43 “When an impure spirit comes out of a person, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. 44 Then it says, ‘I will return to the house I left.’ When it arrives, it finds the house unoccupied, swept clean and put in order. 45 Then it goes and takes with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that person is worse than the first."

In struggling with my own demons, I have found this to be incredibly true. Any attempts to shuck them through ignoring them or just trying to solider on just made me more miserable in the end. That is partially why I started this blog; as a way to pass time, to open up my thoughts and distract me. So far, it seems to be helping.

We all have demons. We all have things that could destroy us if we allow them to have too much leeway over our lives. But we also have hope. Hope for tomorrow, for today, for the next beat of our heart. I believe I will end this with one of the few poems by Emily Dickinson I actually enjoy:

"“Hope” is the thing with feathers -

That perches in the soul -

And sings the tune without the words -

And never stops - at all -

And sweetest - in the Gale - is heard -

And sore must be the storm -

That could abash the little Bird

That kept so many warm -

I’ve heard it in the chillest land -

And on the strangest Sea -

Yet - never - in Extremity,

It asked a crumb - of me."