Perceptions

Sometimes, I feel like I'm not very good at my job because it's so much fun. I love playing card games with my girls, I love talking with them and coloring with them and telling stories. We laugh, we joke, we have fun. And I know that some of the other staff that I work with misconstrue that as slacking off.

But then I remind myself that no matter how much fun we may have, they listen to me. They respect me and want to do what I say because they want to make me happy. I bring in a bag of games and supplies whenever I work; they know that not many staff do, and the kids appreciate it. I tell stories and teach them games and prepare my lessons in advance; they know I love my job.

But sometimes I catch a glare from another staff when the girls get excited to see me. I know that I seem very laid-back, and maybe I am, but I can say that only twice have I had to get extra staff to help me with a patient who was out-of-control, while some have to call for backup once a month or more. I'd say I just got lucky, but that statistic is too unlikely.

One of the girls I worked with today told me that she liked me as her staff because I listen, and because I have a “good attitude.” I kind of liked that. I don't know if it's true or not, but I go into work with the mindset that every day is an adventure, and feel more prepared for my shift because of it. I absolutely, positively love my job, even when it's difficult. When I get into my car to drive home, I know I've done good work, and I'm proud of that.

If this causes some of the people I work with to resent me, so be it. I am not there to please them (although I am more than happy to support them!), or even to please the patients. I am there to help people, to shift perspectives and to challenge kids to really think, to dig their heels into a concept and study it from new angles. I tell them to believe in possibilities, to hope for the best and work hard toward their goals. Some, I know, will never make it; others will go far above and beyond what anyone thought possible.

Around the other staff, I think I come off as awkward. I am not good at socializing, small talk, gossip, or even going out after work for drinks. I'd rather read a book.

But I think the kids see me as who I am: an introvert with a love of lore and knowledge, ready and willing to share it with anyone who will listen.

And they love to hear.